Happy Birthday, Erin!
I remember when my parents told Sean and me that they were pregnant with Erin. They called us to come inside from playing in the snow. “You are going to have a new baby brother or sister.” Sean and I stood quietly in our snowsuits, dripping water on the floor. We looked at each other, shrugged, and said anti-climatically, “Ok, great. Can we go back outside?” For how slyly she snuck into our lives, she took our hearts by storm.
When Erin was a baby, Sean and I would argue over who got to hold her and for how long. Screams of “You got to hold her for 10 minutes, its my tuuuuuurn” filled our house.
On Erin’s first day of Kindergarten, my dad got her ready. He videotaped the process because my mom was working. Erin had very specific fashion ideas and she wanted to wear her shoes with the strap around the back of her heel instead of over her foot. My mom forbade it. When worn that way, the heel wouldn’t stay on Erin’s pediatric foot and she was unable to walk. On videotape, Erin tells my Dad that she was supposed to wear her shoes with the strap around the heel. My Dad, unknowingly, lets her. As the videotape rolls, Erin’s shoes fall off as she walks up the bus steps.
As Erin got older, she discovered the unabridged dictionary in the elementary school library. She told us one day that she looked up the word “hell” and swore it said that it was “a place similar to London.”
As a grade school kid, Erin loved Harriet the Spy, which is a book about a child who loved to spy on her neighborhood. Erin made a pair of pants that had a notebook, pencil, flashlight, and other spy tools hanging from the belt of the pants. I would be watching TV with a date and Erin would pop out from behind the couch and run off to write in her notebook.
With 11 years between us, I was out of the house for much of Erin’s childhood. I got many hysterical cards from her. The summer after my senior year in high school, she gave me a birthday card. The outside of the card read “Happy Birthday Today” in stencil letters. Inside it said simply, “You were always the best sister, now you have to go to college.”
While I was in college, I got a letter from Erin. The names haven’t been changed. “Dennis did ask me out, right when I was talking to Scott. I said yes, but then Scott came up to me later with Dennis and told me I needed to choose. He told me to think about it, so I thought about it, because Dennis also told me that he and Lindsey didn’t have to go together and that she did not care since she was only in 7th grade. But I went over to Justin’s house after a party when Scott was there and he asked me what my answer was and I told him that I would go with him because we planned to go together. So, people who like Scott, people who dislike Lindsey, people who like Dennis, and people who hate 7th graders, all think I should go with Dennis and they think I am selfish to go out with Dennis and go to the semi with Scott. (Boys are hard to find.) (in the margin) I am ready to scream. Tune in next time to see what happens on Thursday! Love ya. Erin.”
One holiday, my Dad came downstairs dressed to go out. To make sure he passed our fashion scrutiny, he stood in front of Erin and me with his shirt untucked and said, “In or out?” Erin looked up from her book and said, “Throw it out, it’s kind of faded.”
In college at West Chester, Erin mistakenly ran over a metal paint can with her car. It got wedged under the motor and as she drove, sparks flew and people gawked. Erin frantically called Mike asking for help. He told her to drive two wheels up on the curb to get it out. She did so, and then poked the can out with a stick.
Erin has videotaped herself singing so that she could prove to Mike how talented she is, including If I Could Turn Back Time and Let’s Give Them Something to Talk About. The video is just of her mouth.
Today, the roles I see Erin play include Mom, Wife, Daughter, Sister. She is equally good at each.
As a Mom, Erin is gentle, relaxed, and caring to her daughter, Cora. Even if Cora’s reason for crying is tiny and unreasonable, Erin gives her validity, comfort, and sympathy. She feels that the dirtier Cora gets while playing, the better the day. She reads every parenting book to make sure she is giving her best effort to her child. Erin shares her trials with other parents, and asks for their tips and experiences.
Recently, Cora needed medical attention and Erin was very concerned. She turned to me with tears in her eyes and choked, “It is so scary to love someone this much.”
Erin and Mike met during their freshman year in college at West Chester. After some ups and downs, and after some ons and offs, nine years later, they got married.
As a wife, Erin reveres Mike, trusting his judgment and respecting his opinion. She doesn’t lose herself in her relationship. Erin speaks when she needs to be heard. When something is important to her, she states her thoughts clearly. She is sometimes holding a notebook where she wrote her talking points.
Their relationship is one of balance. For example, they worked out that one parent gets to sleep in on Saturdays. The other one sleeps in on Sundays.
Mike and Erin have been together for 17 years, which is now longer than they have NOT been together. They are one of the great couples that I know.
As a daughter, Erin is very helpful to our parents. For birthdays and important events, she has Cora make handmade craft gifts. She keeps everyone in the loop with Cora’s schedule. Erin reports on new developmental milestones – from learned words to changes in Cora’s behaviors. Erin makes and sends funny videos of Cora communicating various messages. She knows how much we cherish Cora videos.
Erin designed a tattoo that both she and our mom got at the same time. It is an extremely simple design that uses dots and dashes to illustrate circling yourself with family and friends. My sister has it on the inside of her wrist; my mom has it on the top of her foot. I got mine a few months later, on my hip. We are permanently linked by our skin, literally and figuratively.
During particularly rough times, my sister sends me care packages. They include CDs that she makes, with music relevant to the situation. Erin’s personality is apparent through her music choices. When I was getting divorced and taking back my maiden name, she included I Got a Name, which states “I carry it with me like my daddy did.” Once I started dating after my divorce, I was stressing over breaking up with my first boyfriend. Erin included 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover. When a long-term, live-in boyfriend moved out, Erin picked Icona Pop’s I Love It. The lyrics state, “I threw your sh*t into a bag and pushed it down the stairs.” Intended as a pick-me-up in my lowest moments, Bring on the Rain is still one of my favorites. On one of Erin’s first CDs, and at the top of my personal top 40, she chose Jay Z’s 99 Problems.
I completed my living will and needed to name a power of attorney. I ask Erin before Sean because Erin lives in West Chester and Sean lives in Los Angeles. I call Erin and inquire whether she would be able to pull my plug. She starts hyperventilating and squeaks, “I couldn’t do it, I just couldn’t. What if there were medical advancements? What if you were still aware in there?” Realizing my mistake, I hang up with Erin and call Sean. I ask him the same question. He responds, “Yup.” Sean FTW.
I buy a formal dress for a fancy fundraiser. On the day of the event, I realize that the dress is wrinkled. My steamer is broken, so I try to use my iron to steam it. Unfortunately, I bump the hot iron on the delicate fabric and it melts- front, center, and irreparably. I am stunned and then immediately have a meltdown, toddler style.
I know that Erin will understand my despair and I text her while crying on the floor of my bedroom. She is supportive and accepting, saying how upset she would be too. She doesn’t make me feel silly and she validates my emotions. Two weeks later, a package arrives at my home. Inside is the exact dress, brand new, sent from Erin in an attempt to erase the incident and my unhappiness.
Having a sister who is 11 years behind you is special. I got to be a second, less strict mother figure. We know that we can tell each other straight up: “I didn’t ask for your opinion” or “You aren’t acting right in this situation” or “WHAT are you wearing?” While we may not agree, we accept the other’s opinion considerately. We can discuss anything and the other will hear the words with kindness, respect, and always with love.
